Harry Potter Meets the Fan Club Girls
by Chipmunk Queen
Summary: Colleen and I, Amanda, are accepted to Hogwarts. Madness ensues...
1. Owls And Poking!

****

Harry Potter 

Meets 

The Fan Club Girls

__

Quake in fear! (Or repressed joy…) Colleen and I have been inspired yet again! For those of you unfamiliar with our shenanigans, Colleen and I are two teenage girls from Gloucester, MA, who go on all kinds of adventures, depending on what our Obsession of the Week is. The week we started this, it happened to be Harry Potter. Hogwarts will never be the same…**Mwhahahaha**!

(German Class, Gloucester High School)

Colleen: Ugh! I've got Gym next!

Amanda: I feel your pain. I've got history. *grimace* 

Colleen: Don't you just hate GHS?

Amanda: Tell me about it! I wish we could go to a different school.

Colleen: *far away look* Yeah…Okay, have we done enough of the foreshadowing crap?

Amanda: Yeah, I'd say so. It's sooo tedious…

Colleen: Good!

(At this point, the entire class is shocked to see two owls flap through Frau Chane's open window.)

Class: *gasp!*

Amanda: Oh my God! Owls!

Colleen: And they have letters!

(The owls flap over and drop a letter on each girl's desk.)

Amanda: Colleen! Look who they're from!

Colleen: Hogwarts! This is unbelievable!

Amanda: …It is?

Colleen: Well…no. This is our fantasy world after all, but it seemed like a good thing to say.

Amanda: True. Hey, we need to be at King's Cross tomorrow!

Colleen: How are we supposed to get to London?

Amanda: I'll drive!

Colleen: Umm…England is across an ocean!

Amanda: Don't worry; I'm almost as good with a boat as I am with a car!

Colleen: Oh lord! It's a good thing I don't get sea sick…

(London, Later that Same Day)

Amanda: That was fun!

Colleen: Amanda! We ran over 42 seagulls and 27 lobster pots! Not to mention those poor swimmers and that whale…and that's before we were even out of Gloucester Harbor! My daddy's boat will never be the same…

Amanda: I still can't believe he let us borrow it.

Colleen: Well, technically, he doesn't know…but no worries; I left a note! I'm sure he'll understand.

Amanda: *grin* Riiiight.

(Colleen's House, Gloucester, MA)

John (Col's Dad): Oh dear…*groan*

Patti (Col's Mom): What is it?

John: Look at this note!

Note: 

__

Dear Daddy,

Me and Amanda got letters of admittance to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry today! We borrowed the boat to get to London. Don't worry, Amanda can drive it. We'll send you a postcard when we get there! Love ya!

Your Loving Daughter,

Colleen

John: I found it on the table an hour ago.

Patti: Oh dear Lord…

John: I'll call Carol and Ken. (Amanda's parents.)

Patti: Just when we thought they'd finally recovered from the Disney Vacation…

John: Hey, I wonder if Mickey Mouse out of the hospital yet…I never thought you could get a concussion from head-poking. Hmm…

(London)

Amanda: Oh good! I left my parents a note, too!

Colleen: All right, then! I'd say we're covered.

Amanda: Now to Diagon Alley!

Colleen: Wait a minute! We haven't got any money!

Amanda: Oh yeah…I guess we're just going to have to rob someone and change the money at Gringotts.

Colleen: Okey Dokey! Hey, I know! We're in London, right?

Amanda: Yes…

Colleen: Isn't that where those crown jewel thingies are kept?

Amanda: MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!

TBC

__


	2. The First Meeting And Poking!

(Outside the royal palace)

Colleen: Whee! That was fun! 

Amanda: I know! Poking those guys with the funny furry hats was almost as much fun as poking Mickey. 

Colleen: *sigh* Mickey...Disney...Tooooommm *drools, stares dreamily into space*

Amanda: Yeah...but wait! We get to be wizards now! We can just...Summon him here! 

Colleen: Whoo! Hey, they don't teach...._German _at Hogwarts, do they?

Amanda: Nope! We might be able to take Trollish or something though...

Colleen: Cool! And then we can participate in the LotR ripoffs! It'll be great...*twitch*

Amanda: Erm, yeah...Hey look, the Leaky Cauldron! Let's go, we need to buy our supplies.

***

(Small Cafe, Gloucester MA)

Ken(Amanda's dad): Yep, she left us a note too...

Patti: And I've called over to England, and when I asked about a "Hogwarts" school they just laughed at me. 

Carol(Amanda's mom): I think it has to do with some book Amanda was reading...witchcraft & wizardry? I'm afraid our girls have just...erm...

John: Lost it?

Carol: Well....

Patti: Actually, I think I remember what you're talking about....Hang on, I'll call Jeremiah and see if he knows.

John: Hey, does this place make...pizza?

(Colleen's house) 

Phone: *RING!*

Jeremiah(Colleen's brother): Hang on, geez! Hello? Yeah, it's from Harry Potter, why? She what? How? Wherewhenwhy??? *growls* Yeah, bye.

Jeremiah: AAAAAAAHHHHHGGGG!!!! Colleen went to _Hogwarts_??? NOT FAIR! I've been reading the books longer than her! I've seen the movies more times then her! I own the books, she just reads mine! I'm way more obsessed than her! ARRRG! I hate her! No way. No way, she gets to go and I don't. Good thing I memorized Dad's credit card number, and mom's ATM pin....Hehehe

***

(Back room of the Leaky Cauldron)

Colleen: Wonder why they gave me such strange looks when I ordered Mountain Dew?

Amanda: I think the strange looks were because you jumped on that guy you thought was Lupin.

Colleen: Oh yeah...well, hey, it was dark! 

Amanda: Hey man, I'm not looking at you funny! 

Colleen: Yes you are...why are you looking at me like you're scared of me?

Amanda: Because you're a homicidal killer who feels no remorse...ever?

Colleen: Well, I guess....Now what bricks did we press to get to Diagon alley? This this and this?

Amanda: No, actually, I think it was that one, this one, and the other one....

Colleen: No, maybe this, that, and...

Amanda: New plan. Step back. (pulls out grenade) On three then. One, Two,

Grenade: *BOOM!*

Colleen: Have I ever told you, I like the way you think? 

Amanda: Numerous times my friend, numerous times.

Both: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Colleen: ha.

Amanda: You always have to get the last "ha" don't you?

***

(Diagon Alley)

Harry: Gee, I'm so glad to get away from those evil Dursleys...

*BOOM*

Ron: Wow! Did you hear that explosion? I'll bet it's dark wizards! C'mon, let's go check it out!

Harry: Yeah, they're probably here to kill me...again...let's run off and find them.

Hermione: Lookout Harry! I think they must be some kind of ghoul!

(Amanda and Colleen come stagering toward them covered in dust and bits of brick)

Colleen: Ow, my ears!

Amanda: My skull! Who knew brick flew so far....

Colleen: I hope those people in the Leaky Cauldron are hurt and bleeding...

Amanda: Col? *gestures to Harry, Ron and Hermione*

Colleen: I mean _not _hurt and bleeding. Yeah, thats it...

Amanda: *looks at H,R&H* Heeeeey, you're 

Harry: *sigh* Harry Potter...

Col & Ama: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Colleen: Ha.

Amanda: *sigh*


	3. Flying and Elbowing!

(Diagon Alley)

Hermione: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your names. You are….?

Colleen: Oops. I'm Colleen, and this is Amanda, my partner in crime—

Amanda: ~elbow~

Colleen: Figuratively speaking, of course.

Hermione: ~looks suspicious~ Ah. And you're witches?

Colleen: Well, obviously!

Amanda: And they consider you the clever one? Tsk, tsk….

Ron: ~snickers~ They seem to know you all right, Hermione!

Hermione: ~glare~

Harry: Well, we've got to meet up with Mrs. Weasley and finish our shopping….and check out that commotion at the Leaky Cauldron. We'll probably see you at school. Bye now!

Ron: See you later!

Hermione: ~suspicious glare~

All three: ~scurry away~

Amanda: Hmm….did you notice that Hermione seems a tad bit….suspicious of us, Col?

Colleen: Indeed. I think we may have to do something about her….she can't be allowed to interfere with our plan!

Amanda: We have a plan? 

Colleen: Well, no….just force of habit. We _usually_ have evil plans, like kidnapping.

Amanda: True enough. But kidnapping Harry Potter with Dumbledore around could lead to expulsion….not to mention be quite painful….

Colleen: True, true. We'll have to wait until we graduate to try _that_.

Amanda: Mwhahahaha!

Colleen: ha.

Amanda: ~glare~ ha.

Colleen: ~silence~

Amanda: Hurrah! I got the last "ha", I got the last "ha"….Woo-hoo!

(A Small Café in Gloucester, MA)

John: Jeremiah says that Hogwarts is from those Harry Potter books.

Ken: Amanda and I watched those movies! That school is in….England?

Patti: ~sigh~ Well, looks like we're going to have to go on another trip….

Carol: I'll call the airline. I think the tickets will be free this time, since we've racked up so many sky miles chasing after the girls.

Ken: Hmm….that means we'll have more money to spend on….

John & Ken: PIZZA!!!!!

Patti & Carol: ~sigh~

(A Small Private Airplace, About to Land in England)

Jeremiah: Perfect! I'll make it to Hogwarts just in time for the Sorting Ceremony. I can't wait to see the looks on Colleen and Amanda's faces when they see me there! I wonder if Colleen will try to kill me….Naw, she won't want to get expelled before she can actually learn anything. This is going to be so much fun! ~pauses~ Well, until Mom and Dad find out, anyway.

(Diagon Alley)

Colleen: HA!!!!

Amanda: Dammit! Shoulda known….


	4. Surprise Guests and Sorting!

(King's Cross) 

Colleen: Now we just...run through that wall? 

Amanda: That's what they always say in the books. 

Colleen: It just seems...odd somehow... 

Amanda: Why? We do it all the time. 

Colleen: Yeah, but generally we don't mean to. 

Amanda: Well, this is true. After you then? 

Colleen: *suspicious glance* Sure, why not? 

Colleen + Wall: **BAM!!!!**

Colleen: Owww.... 

Amanda: *snigger* 

Colleen: Hey! The wall wouldn't let me through! Wait! I know! This is like the second book when Dobby stopped Harry from getting through, and--but why would a house elf want to stop us--wait, it must be a pretty easy spell if Dobby could do it, so maybe it's someone more sinister, like Lord Vol- 

Amanda: C'leena! You ran at the wrong wall! That's *points at Colleen's wall* between platforms eight and nine, not nine and ten. 

Colleen: Um...oh...whoopsy. Well at least Jack *pats new Eagle Owl* and the Luggage are all right. 

Amanda: Why did you just capitalize luggage? 

Colleen: Have you ever read Discworld? 

Amanda: Nope. 

Colleen: Mwahahahaha!!!! Well then it'll just be a nice pleasant surprise! ..................ha. 

*** 

(Logan Airport, Terminal E) 

Patti: Yes, four Bill. So how are the kids anyway? Yes, yes, they've run off to London this time. Well, it was nice seeing you. 

Carol: D'you think it's sad that they know us by name at the International ticket counter? 

Patti: *sigh* 

*** 

(German Class) 

Emily: I'm bored...it's not fair! I want to go to Hogwarts! I've read those books. 

Samm: Dumdeedum...Accio broom! Dumdeedum... 

Marcie: I say we go! It's not fair! They always get to do stuff! 

Emily: But we haven't got letters... 

Marcie: That's ok...Colleen and Amanda will probably make such a big diversion that they probably won't notice us anyway... 

Emily: But...how do we get there? 

Marcie Easy *stands* 

Frau Chane: Verena! Setzt zu! Jetzt! 

Marcie: But Frau Chane, 

  
Frau Chane: No! You are not following Katrin and Olivia! 

Marcie: But I wasn't- 

Frau Chane: NO! 

Marcie: *grumble* 

Frau Chane: Besides, I've already called Mr. Brundige. I'm quite confident that he will bring them back by the end of class. 

Emily: *shudder* Not Mr. Brundige! He's worse than those creepy villians in the X-Files! 

Kimo: Wooow...Deja vous... 

Samm: Dumdeedum...Stupefy! Dumdeedum... 

(Sorting Line in Great Hall, Hogwarts, Outside London, England, United Kingdom, Europe, Earth Solar System, Milky Way, Universe, Um...I'm sure there's more...) 

Colleen: Amanda, do you feel kinda tall? 

Amanda: You mean because we're 17 and we're surrounded by little 11 year olds? 

Colleen: Yeah. 

Amanda: I know! Isn't it great? 

Prof. McGonagal: Leavitt, Amanda! 

Sorting Hat: Hmmmm...Well, I guess it'll be Slytherin for you, SL- 

Amanda: NO! 

Sorting Hat: What? 

Amanda: You can't put me in Slytherin! Me or Colleen! We have to go to Gryffandor! 

Sorting Hat: But my dear, you're plainly evil. You belong in Slytherin. 

Amanda: I don't know whether to resent that or to be complimented. But either way, I'm evil, but I'm not Slytherin evil...I mean, I'm not snotty or greasy or ugly or anything. And I don't hate Harry. Isn't that some sort of pre-requisite to being a Slytherin? Besides, I'm certainly not a pure blood... 

Sorting Hat: But...but...at least let me put you and your friend in Ravenclaw, I mean, I dare say you've got the brains for it... 

Amanda: *snort* Yeah right! 

Sorting Hat: *sigh* All right...GRYFFINDOR! 

[Skip over similar conversation between Sorting Hat & Colleen because this chapter suddenly seems very long...] 

Ama&Col: Gryffindor! Whoo! 

Prof. McGonagal: McCarthy, Jeremiah! 

Both: WHAT????!!!!  



	5. Pets & Resumed Elbowing!

(The Great Hall, Hogwarts)

Amanda & Colleen: JEREMIAH?!?!

Jeremiah: Yup. Did you think I was just going to let you two come here and learn magic without me? I read those books _first_!!!!

Colleen: **~**seething with anger~ Going….to….kill….brother…..~eyes begin to glow red~

Amanda: ~alarmed~ C'leena! No, not here! Dumbledore's watching! ~glances up at Dumbledore, who is watching the situation curiously~ Committing murder in front of the world's most powerful wizard is a _bad_ thing, remember?

Colleen: Yes….~eyes return to normal~ Yes, I suppose you're right. 

Amanda: ~sigh of relief~ 

Colleen: Besides, there will be _plenty_ of opportunities for "accidents" to happen in class!

Amanda: ~smacks forehead~ 

Jeremiah: Ok, now that my sister's freaky homicidal rage has gone away, can we get on with the Sorting?

Prof. McGonagall: ~is alternately glancing at Colleen, Amanda, & Dumbledore~ Yes, of course. Step up here, Mr. McCarthy.

Jeremiah: ~sits down and the Sorting Hat is placed on his head~ 

Sorting Hat: Hmm….Not a bad mind at all….There's a bit of evil lurking around somewhere in there – must be a family trait….there's ambition….All right, all right! There's no need to beg. Gryffindor it is. GRYFFINDOR!!!!

Amanda & Colleen: WHAT?!?

(An Airplane Heading Toward England)

Ken &John: ~twitch, twitch~

Carol: ~sigh~ I _knew _we should have left the boys at home! They're so paranoid that flying with them is _never_ pleasant!

Patti: ~sigh~ Yeah, I know – John! Get your hand off of the emergency escape handle! That was just the "fasten seatbelts" light!

Carol: It would be so much better if it was just us girls….not to mention—Ken! Do **NOT** inflate that!—we'd have more money if Ken & John weren't there to order a pizza for every meal!

Patti: I know! As if having insane, homicidal, celebrity-stalking daughters wasn't bad enough!

Both: ~sigh~

Ken & John: ~twitch~

(Frau Chane's Class, GHS)

Marcie: Wow, I still can't believe they dispatched Brundige to go after Colleen & Amanda….that's _not_ going to be pretty!

Emily: ~shudder~ He's reeeeaaaaally creepy. ~looks thoughtful~ I wonder who's going to kill who?

Marcie: I'd say Colleen and Amanda, but even they might not be able to escape Brundige uninjured.

Emily: ~nods~ Mmm….I hope he doesn't kill them. They're really nice! Even though they're kinda evil.

Samm: Dum-dee-dum…._Expelliarmus!_….Dum-dee-dum…..

(Gryffindor Common Room, Hogwarts)

Amanda: ~giddy~ Wow, I can't believe we're already 7'th years! ~joyous squeak~

Colleen: I think the teachers only moved us up so that they can get rid of us as soon as possible. But still, it is indeed wonderful. I wonder, though….do you think Dumbledore suspects?

Amanda: Well, I think we should probably be careful for a while. Hermione is suspicious of us, too, and we wouldn't want the little brat to give Dumbledore a reason to kick us out.

Colleen: True, true. Speaking of brats….~looks in the direction of Jeremiah & growls~ I can't _believe _my pain in the butt brother weaseled his way into one of our adventures!

Amanda: Yeah, it's weird, isn't it? Oh well, I don't mind. I like 'Miah.

Colleen: Not you too! ~bangs head against nearest available wall~

~ Ron & Hermione enter~

Hermione: ~looks at Colleen~ Excuse me….what _exactly_ are you doing?

Ron: Yeah, you feelin' all right, mate?

Colleen: Oh yes! Fine, fine….~rubs forehead~ Just….testing out a spell to turn solid surfaces into marshmallow! That's it….

Hermione: _Well_, it's not a very good spell, now is it?

Amanda: Well, then we'll have to practice! Actually, we could use someone to test the wall for us….y'know….to see if it's turned to marshmallow yet….Care to help us out, _Her-mee-own_?

Hermione: ~bristles in anger~ My name is pronounced _Her-my-on-ee_, if you don't mind! And I know the two of you are you to something! I fully intend to find out what it is. In the meantime, both of you stay away from Harry, or I'll go to Dumbledore!

Colleen: WHAT?!?! You **_dare_** try to keep us from—

Amanda: ~elbows Colleen~

Colleen:—our studying? Because that's what we're trying to do here! 

Ron: ~blink~ You're a bit daft, aren't you?

Amanda: Hehe, "daft". Silly British! "Daft".

Everyone: ~blink~

Amanda: ~clears throat and attempts to look manly~ 

Hermione: Just remember what I said! ~she & Ron walk away~

Colleen: Something will have to be done about her.

Amanda: Agreed. ~yawn~ But right now, I just wanna go to sleep in my nice, new, big, four-poster bed.

Colleen: Big surprise there! But yes, sleep would be nice. Come on, Jack! Bedtime. ~Jack the Eagle Owl lands on Colleen's outstretched arm~

Amanda: Come on, Nyx! Mommy is going to bed. ~Nyx, the psychotic black and white kitten on Speed runs past Amanda on the stairs, nearly making her trip~

Colleen: Mwhahaha! Your kitty's crazy! Not like my Jack….

Amanda: ~grumble~ Damn cat wanted to get to bed first so she could hog the pillows….but at least _she_ doesn't leave "surprises" on my arm! Mwhahaha!

Colleen: ~looks down at "surprise" on arm~ Darn! I'll have to house-train him. ~looks into Dorm room and grins~ However, it's not as bad as a kitty who hogs not only the pillows, but the whole bed! Mwhahaha! 

Amanda: ~sees that Nyx is indeed lying in the center of the bed, with body under the covers and head on pillow~ Dammit, dammit, dammit! Someday I **_will_** have the last "ha". Mark my words! Someday….

Colleen: ~grins~ HA!

TBC


End file.
